that's a hard thing to get past, I sadly know it all too well
I had a girlfriend pass away one X mas morning a few yrs back, Far from the X mas present anyone wants.
But hang in there life goes on and in time things get better
Hunting I found was a good way to see nature at its best and got to see a LOT of things while out in the woods that helped me move forward
SO, sorry to hear and belated condolence to you
hang in there